With Your Tanks, and Your Bombs, and Your Bombs, and Your Guns...
This is what democracy a grapefruit looks like, when it’s grown by an actual human being who lives within biking distance of your house, rather than by some faceless agriconglomerate.
It’s ugly. It’s not pink. It’s just about as brown as it is yellow. Those of you who have already taken out your contact lenses will be forgiven for wondering why I’ve posted a photo of a particularly beautiful potato or an Asian pear.
But, in fact the reason I’ve posted a picture of this grapefruit is because it’s the backbone of tonight’s cocktail: The Zombie.
The vast number of followers of Weird Wine (despite its temporary hiatus) know that when we do cocktails here, we do them right. This is not the zombie you think you may have had at Señor Frog’s in Cancun when you woke up the next morning with—oh, right. We promised we would never mention that again.
No, this is the original 1934 Zombie, created by Don The Beachcomber—born Earnest Raymond Beaumont Grant, in Limestone County, TX—the same county in which the above-referenced grapefruit was grown.
If you’ve ever had a tiki drink (and if you’re reading this, I’m pretty sure you have), you probably owe it to Don the Beachcomber—a guy who was so hard-core about mixology that he even had his name legally changed to Donn Beach not long after founding his eponymous cocktail bar-cum restaurant in Hollywood in the late 1930s.
Why is tonight’s drink the original Zombie? Two reasons:
1) I decided to challenge my home bar, which has grown quite nicely over the past couple of months; and
2) I decided I was only going to make one cocktail this evening, and after the kind of day I had today, it had to frickin’ count.
So, how does it taste? Meh. To be honest with you, the Zombie isn’t a particularly great tiki drink. It’s tough to make, and the ultimate product isn’t all that rewarding (depending on how one defines “reward.” The cocktail is aptly named).
Don’t get me wrong; it’s drinkable—a solid 5.5 out of 10—but compared to other cocktails, the balance just isn’t there. There’s some subtlety in the flavor, but its ratio of alcohol to other flavors is imbalanced, and unless you’re trying to drown your sorrows, I’d recommend about two dozen other tiki drinks before this one. I’m only about a third of a way through this one, and my mood is already heading this way:
The last time I felt like this, I tried to make a top shelf Long Island Iced Tea. Spoiler Alert: total failure. Don’t even try.
The good news is that there’s still some fabulous grapefruit juice and lime juice left, so… in honor of AWP, y’all wouldn’t mind if I made a Hemingway Daquiri, would you? Of course you wouldn’t.
¾ fresh squeezed lime juice
½ oz Don’s mix (grapefruit juice and cinnamon syrup)
½ oz falernum
1 ½ oz Puerto Rican Rum (I cheated and used Blackwell’s)
1 ½ oz Jamaican Rum (I used Appleton 12)
1 oz Demerara 151 (I used Hamilton, and highly recommend it.)
1 dash Angostura Bitters
6 drops Absinthe
1 tsp grenadine
crushed ice
Combine all ingredients in a blender and blend for 4-5 seconds. Pour over ice, and garnish with fresh mint from your garden. (What, you don’t have a garden?)
The score: 5.5
How weird is it? 7/10.