21 Things I want in a (Wine) Lover

1.     Don’t spill wine.

2.     If you do spill wine, clean it up.

3.     If you break a glass, don’t worry; it’s not the end of the world.

4.     If you feel bad when you break a wine glass, you should buy less expensive wine glasses, drink more wine, or both.

5.     If you’re by yourself, you don’t have to finish the bottle. If you’re not by yourself, someone has to finish the bottle, so it might as well be you.

6.     There is no such thing as good wine and bad wine. There is only wine you like, and wine you do not like. If you are fortunate enough to like wine that is inexpensive and available everywhere, you are, indeed, very fortunate.

7.     A friendly reminder for the uninitiated: while it is technically possible to make wine from fruit other than grapes, you do not want to drink it.

8.     Acceptable colors of wine to drink are: red, white, and pink. Unacceptable colors are: everything else.

9.     On occasions when you’re planning on drinking multiple bottles, start with bubbles, go to white, and finish with red. Or more bubbles. (If there is sweet and/or fortified wine involved in your evening of drinking, you’ll know what to do.)

10.  Drink really exciting bottles first, and slightly exciting bottles next. Boring bottles go last.

11.   It’s ok to cook with wine that you would not drink an entire bottle of. It’s not ok to cook with wine you would not drink a sip of.   

12.  If guests bring you a bottle of wine as a host gift, ask them if they would like a glass of what they brought, or what you’ve got open-- unless you have carefully selected the wines to go with the food you’re serving. Then you get to stick the bottle your guests bought in your wine rack.

13.  No matter how romantic it may seem, wine and chocolate should not be consumed together, with one exception (and it’s not Banyuls): Champagne goes well with everything.

14.  When you are pouring a bottle, the last sip goes into someone else’s glass. (This rule, however, does not require that you pour equal amounts into everyone’s glasses.)

15.  If you are at a restaurant, and you have ordered a bottle of wine that is a) rare; b) old; c) weird; or d) just plain delicious, offer your server and the sommelier (if there is one) a taste.

16.  It never hurts to ask whether you can bring your own wine to a restaurant. However, if you do bring wine to a restaurant that has a wine list, make sure it’s something very different from what’s on their list.

17.  At a party or a large gathering—particularly where most of the crowd doesn’t love wine as much as you—it’s ok to bring your own stash, BUT: be relatively discreet about it, and always, always, be willing to share.

18.  Do not worry what is in someone else’s glass. Worry about what is in your glass.

19.  If you think you don’t like wine made from a particular grape (Merlot, Chardonnay—I’m talkin’ about you) try one from a different part of the world. Hate California Chardonnay? Try a White Burgundy. Not a big Merlot fan? Go Right Bank Bordeaux. Don’t like Argentine Malbec? Try one from the Cahors region of France.

20.  When you drink wines at home, do your best to taste them without knowing the price. There’s nothing better than opening a wine that you forgot how much you paid for, and loving it, only to find out it’s half the price of what you’re used to drinking.

21.  It’s absurd to think that 18, 19, and 20 year olds can’t drink wine responsibly.

What are your top wine rules? Share them in the comments…    

In the meantime, chill with this: